A Messy Sink...A Messy, Forgiven Life

     The last of the dishes had been rinsed and placed neatly into the dishwasher.  The detergent had been added and the start button pressed.  As I listened to the dishwasher sing out it's familiar hum; water sloshing about, I turned my attention to the sink.  I have to admit, I was a little repulsed by the sight of half-chewed food pieces littered across the bottom of the sink, the moldy and now unrecognizable meal from two weeks ago (maybe more) that had mysteriously resurfaced at the front of my refrigerator, and the half-burnt remnants scraped off of the bottom of my favorite cast iron skillet.  Pausing for a moment, I contemplated whether or not it was really a wise idea for me to stick my hands into the nasty conglomeration of what I felt sure was a bacteria infested mess.  Thinking through the alternatives, I leaned over and grabbed a long plastic spoon reasoning it would do a more effective job at shoving the food remains down into the garbage disposal shoot than my delicate fingers would.  Feeling quite satisfied with my brilliant idea, I proceeded to push the bits and pieces of God knows what into the narrow opening of the disposer.

    Resting the spoon on the edge of the sink for a moment, I reached over, flipped the "magic switch", and watched in wonder as the large chunks of nastiness slowly became pulverized and sucked deeply into the belly of the disposer.  When I was quite satisfied that nothing remained of the bacteria ridden mess that had once covered the bottom of the sink, I flipped the "magic switch" back to the off position.  Suddenly, I questioned, "What happens to the pulverized muck once it is sucked downward into the pipes?  Where does all of the garbage that once littered my sink end up?"  (Come on, I know that secretly, all of you have wondered the same thing...there is no shame in admitting it:))

     Suddenly, my attention was quickly arrested and refocused, bringing to mind the truth that, like the sink, I have a lot of trash and garbage in my life; the truth that not of single one of us is capable of living up to God's perfect, just standards.  Our lives are just plain messy, right?...littered with sin. 

Scripture says:

 “ for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” 

                                                             (Rom.  3:23).  

     Staring at the now empty sink, still stained with the grotesque reminder of what was once there, I thought of another question; one of eternal significance:
            

 "Where does all of the "garbage" or sin in my life end up?."  

      Am I the only one who has ever wondered this?  Am I the only one who has felt enslaved by the mounting measure of sin piling up, bringing with it haunting memories of regret and condemnation?  I doubt it...

      Grabbing the spray bottle filled with my favorite homemade antibacterial cleaner (Grapefruit Seed Extract, vinegar, a few drops of tea tree oil, and water), I intentionally sprayed a thick coating onto the bottom and sides of the sink.  Despite the fact that I couldn't see any remaining germs or bacteria, I knew from science class that microscopic and nasty germs were still there, no matter how much I wanted to convince myself that they were not.  Slowly and methodically I scrubbed, making certain not to miss a single spot.  As I watched the small steam of water from the faucet above slapping gently against the bottom of the now sparkly stainless steel sink, a gentle whisper swept past..a whisper filled with grace-filled words, lovingly surrounding me with hope and peace ...

..."as far as the east is from the west,
 so far do I  remove your transgressions, child."... 

                                  (taken from Psalm 103:12)

..."If you confess your sins, 

 I am faithful and just to forgive you 

and cleanse you from all unrighteousness"...

                                (taken from 1 John 1:9)

..."I will again have compassion on you, Satin;
I will tread your iniquities underfoot.
and cast all your sins into the depths of the sea."...

                                 (taken from Micah 7:19) 

 ..."I will forgive you for the wicked things you've done,
 and I will remember your sins no more.”...
                                 (taken from Heb.  8:12)

..."And you, who were dead in your trespasses...

 I made alive...having forgiven you all your trespasses,   

by canceling the record of debt that stood against you with its legal demands. This I set aside, nailing them to the cross."...

                                  (taken from Colossians 2:13-14)

      Turning off the faucet, I watched the last few trickles of water spiral down, gliding across the now clean surface below..and I smiled...not because my sink was finally free of the awful germ infestation that once had the upper hand; for I knew that soon half-eaten particles of food, clumps of mystery casserole from several weeks back, and burnt chunks scraped off of my favorite skillet would once again litter the bottom.  No... 

I smiled knowing with full assurance that all of the garbage (sin) of my life has been  

            forgiven, 

                         forgotten, 

                                  thrown far away;

           buried deeply 
into the depths of the sea.     

   

God's Amazing, Sustaining Grace

     With a slight chill in the morning air and the blanket of darkness beginning to be swallowed up by the light of day, I opened my eyes...eager to see what this day might bring.  I sat up, swung my legs off the edge of the bed, and used my toes to feel around for the cozy Muk Luks that I knew must be within toe's reach.  After slipping my feet into the warm woven slippers, slowly, I made my way to the living room (the hub of all activity in the Marshall home) to greet the children with their usual hugs, kisses, and breakfast orders.  As I reached the living room, however, the vision of happy, smiling children ready to greet me with a kiss was quickly replaced with the reality of what really faced me on this morning...scattered piles of unfolded laundry from the previous day, two sick children stretched out upon the couch burning hot with fever, toys covering most of the floor like a creeping fungus, and the repulsive smell of yesterday's garbage reeking from the nearby trash.  In an instant, the eagerness that I had felt just moments before was replaced by a feeling of dread of what the day would surely bring. 

     Fighting the temptation to fall haphazardly upon the floor and weep bitterly, I sighed, rather ashamed by my approaching emotional meltdown.  "How is it that my circumstances have such a powerful influence over my emotions?"  With eyes tightly shut, I attempted to drown out the scene that had almost led to my emotional unraveling...  

         ..."My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is   made perfect in weakness."  
 Over and over again, I repeated it.  Then, God so kindly brought still other verses to mind...   
       ..."But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus," (Philippians 4:19)...
       ..."He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows," (Isaiah 55:4).

     As I slowly opened my eyes, I could feel the truth of God's words sinking deeply into my being.  Before me, still sat the same piles of scattered laundry, the same two fever stricken children, the same toys littering the floor, and the same repulsive smell of yesterday's garbage; yet, at that moment, His grace was visible to me.   
And now, by God's grace, I no longer dread what this day will bring, but I now eagerly await more and more of HIS sustaining grace.  

Maybe right at this very moment, you are suffering from a long-standing illness that leaves you feeling weak and in constant pain...friend, God's grace is expedient enough to heal and prolonged enough to supply for each difficult day that you may face.

Maybe resources are scarce and you wonder how you can possibly create a meal for your family out of the three remaining ingredients in your cupboard...friend, God's grace is bountiful enough to provide for you and your family.

Whatever circumstance you may be facing this day...May you eagerly await more and more of God's amazing, sustaining grace.

Humility of Helplessness

Since Sunday, Isaac has been lying in the same recliner, with the same fever, and the same fits of coughing which redden his face and leave him fighting to catch a breath.  

I feel helpless to help him. 

He reads the expression on my face...I read the expression on his. 

He feels helpless too.  

Crying and scared, the girls call out to me from their beds.  Through sounds of whimpering and sniffing they share, "We can't sleep, Mommy.  We are so afraid."  Patting their heads, I say a quick prayer and tell them that God is with them every moment; therefore, they don't need to be afraid.   "But, we keep having scary thoughts that won't go away."  

I feel helpless to help them.

"What if we have bad dreams after we fall asleep?" 

They feel helpless too.

Eyes red with fatigue and body sore with exhaustion, David exhales. I snuggle up next to him and wrap my arms around his chest. "It's just been a crazy, busy week.  Sometimes it just seems impossible to get everything at work done on time."   

I feel helpless to help him.

He kisses me softly on the forehead, sighing again. 

He feels helpless too.

I pause, my head tucked neatly in my hands...thoughts aimlessly spinning and racing through my mind.  Then, like a gentle rain, giving refreshment to the wilted flowers, I feel HIS words raining down upon me, giving refreshment and nourishment to my soul.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I slowly walk into the room where Isaac lies sleeping peacefully, free of coughing fits and gasping for air for a time.  Feeling his forehead, I whisper softly,  

"HIS grace is sufficient for you too, Isaac.  

HIS power is made perfect in your weakness."

I make my way to the girls room.  Their pillows still damp with remnants of tears, their bodies curled up in little, tight balls; I cover them.  Softly, I whisper, 

"HIS grace is sufficient for you too, girls.  

HIS power is made perfect in your weakness."

"I crawl into bed and turn towards David.  In the quietness of the room, I hear him breathing deeply, another days work has passed.  Another days problems have passed too. Reaching out, I gently touch his hand and whisper softly, 

"HIS grace is sufficient for you too, David. 

HIS power is made perfect in your weakness."

I roll over, close my eyes, and meditate on HIS words once more....  

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

One last thought comes to mind... 

Thank you, LORD, for my helplessness!

"Only in the humility of helplessness will we discover the sufficiency of His presence." Charles Stanley

The Tooth Fairy Failure

We experienced a joyous moment in our home yesterday.  Several weeks ago, Eliana noticed her tooth was slightly loose.  Finally, after weeks and weeks of wiggling the tooth, it was loose enough to be pulled.  I gingerly tied a string to it, and with a quick snap of my wrist, out it flew.  Simple!

Before bed, Eliana sat inspecting her tooth for quite awhile, then gently tucked it underneath of her pillow, hoping that by morning her tooth would be replaced with a wonderful surprise...a one dollar bill!  After praying, I kissed her upon her forehead and watched as her hand slid up underneath of her pillow to touch the tooth one last time before she drifted off to sleep. 

When Ellie woke up this morning, she ran into the room where I stood, "The tooth fairy forgot to come last night,"  she disappointingly said, as she held up the baggie containing her tooth for me to see.   I felt terrible!

The truth is, my children have a horrible tooth fairy!  I have thought many times that she should probably be fired.  Here is a partial list of how the tooth fairy at our house has failed miserably at her job over the last several years:

    1.   Often times she doesn't show up...too busy with other things I guess.

    2.   When she does show up, she makes such a racket that the children are roused to a semi-state of wakefulness, opening their eyes to look around as the tooth fairy tries to become statuesque in the dark so as not to be noticed. 

    3.   A few times, she has even carelessly left the retrieved tooth lying upon the kitchen table, only to be found eventually by the children. 

    4.   She often times has no money and has to "borrow" a buck from one of the children until pay day. 

    5.   The tooth fairy is not always able to find the tooth, so she just leaves it there, along with the one dollar bill.  (Imagine Isaac's confusion and surprise at finding both the tooth and the one dollar bill under his pillow.)

Yep!  I think if I were my children, I would fire that awful tooth fairy!  She may be great at other things, but obviously collecting teeth is not one of them.  

I apologized to Ellie for the tooth fairies negligence, hugged her, handed her fifty cents (which is all I could find), and reminded her of how much I love her.  Ellie paused for a moment and then with words overflowing with grace she said, "It's okay that YOU forgot mommy.  I know you love me.  And, this just means that I get to look at my tooth a little longer.  Everybody forgets things."  

Even as I rewrite her words, tears begin to well up in my eyes.  I am reminded of all of the times that I have been harsh with my children when they haven't performed to my standards, or when they are slow to understand what I am asking of them.  And, yet Ellie's response was so different than mine.  She was so quick to forgive, so quick to overlook my faults, and so quick to bring encouragement instead of criticism.  

I am certain that God was smiling down upon Ellie as she responded so graciously to the forgetful tooth fairy.  After all, Ellie's response reflected the very heart of God towards us, HIS children.  Psalm 145:8-9 gives us a small glimpse of the gracious heart which God has towards us.  It brings me so much encouragement to read it...

"The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy. The LORD is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works." 

I am thankful that Ellie was so gracious towards the forgetful, unreliable tooth fairy; but most of all, I am so thankful for God's amazing grace towards me as HIS child.  To end, I would love to share a quote from Charles Spurgeon about the amazing grace of God.  I pray it will forever resonate within my heart, and within yours as well. 

"The bridge of grace will bear your weight, brother. Thousands of big sinners have gone across that bridge, yea, tens of thousands have gone over it. Some have been the chief of sinners and some have come at the very last of their days but the arch has never yielded beneath their weight. I will go with them trusting to the same support. It will bear me over as it has for them."

Bright, Green, Mysteriously Floating Balloon

Avidan's eyes lit up as the man handed him the bright, green balloon, followed by the smile.  He lifted his head back to look up at the green balloon which was brushing effortlessly across the ceiling.  A look of amazement followed on Avi's face, "How is it possible that the balloon is staying up there and not falling back to the ground?"  I could almost hear him thinking it.  Even at his young age, he knew that something extraordinary was happening. 

Never turning his gaze and attention away from the bright, green balloon, Avidan gave a quick tug to the balloon's string.  Immediately the balloon responded, darting towards him, but only for a moment, when at last it gently floated back up, nestling itself safely against the ceiling.  Avidan's face, still reacting in amazement and awe.

"Isn't that neat, Buddy?  The balloon floats doesn't it?"  He glanced at me for a moment, shook his head with eager agreement, and then quickly turned his attention back to the bright, green balloon still swishing back and forth against the ceiling.  With that, Avi again tugged at the balloon string to watch the bright, green balloon travel up and down in the space between himself and the ceiling.  

This went on for about an hour, over and over the same sequence of events.  Avidan,  tugging on the balloon string to force the bright, green balloon to dart towards him as he yanked, and watching the balloon as it made it's journey back up to touch the ceiling.  Every time, with a sweet look of amazement and awe written in his big, round eyes, raised eyebrows, and the sweet countenance of his wide-mouthed smile.

Later that evening, after tucking Avi into bed for the night, I walked over to the bright, green balloon.  Following Avi's example, I grabbed tightly to the string dangling beneath it.  I then gave the balloon's string a quick, but firm tug, watched the balloon dart towards me for a moment, and then, watched as the bright, green balloon gently floated up to nestle itself safely against the ceiling.

I couldn't help but smile as I tilted my head back to look at the bright, green balloon.  And, I couldn't help but whisper...

"Lord, help me to forever remain amazed and in awe

of YOU,

just as my sweet child has in this

bright, green, mysteriously floating balloon." 

Don't Let Go of the Reigns

As the horse keeper worked, saddling up the horses, attaching the bridles, and securing a bit into each horses mouth, he occasionally blurted out a short series of instructions to us.  "Stay on the path at all times."   His words seemed stern and cold.  "Keep a safe distance between your horse and the one in front of you."  But yet, his words carried with them a fatherly gentleness that was difficult to understand at the time.

After waiting anxiously for him to complete the task of preparing the horses to be ridden, the horse keeper helped me to mount up onto the horse that had been chosen for me.  Looking me squarely in the eyes as he handed me the reigns, the keeper said, "Whatever you do, don't let go of the reigns!"

Giving me a quick nod with his hat, he moved on to help my brother, Tom,  mount upon the horse he would be riding.  After getting my brother properly positioned into his saddle,  the keeper once again echoed the words, "Whatever you do, don't let go of the reigns!" 

The horse keeper methodically continued down the line, helping each person waiting to mount upon a horse, always ending with the same stern phrase, "Whatever you do, don't let go of the reigns!"

Walking to the front of the line, the horse keeper mounted his own horse, turned to look at us one last time, and then gave a quick kick to the horses side, signaling to the horse that it was time to move.  In succession, each of the other riders did the same, until the horses were each moving steadily behind the horse in front of it.

Tom was directly in front of me, and I could see that his horse had a bit of a stubborn streak.  Coupled with my brother's young age and lack of maturity and experience in horseback riding, the difficult to manage horse was proving to be quite a handful for Tom.  Each time the horse tried to veer off of the path, he would simply try to "shout" it into submission.  However, his shouts were falling onto deaf ears, because the horse didn't seem to notice or care what Tom was shouting.  The horse just continued to do whatever it pleased, relishing in the new found freedom being granted by my poor, helpless, inexperienced brother.

I am not really sure what happened next.  I don't know if Tom just lost his concentration for a moment, or if the quick movement of the horse thrusting it's head down to eat some grass alongside the path was responsible, but the reigns dropped down off of the horses neck, falling near the mouth of the horse.  My brother frantically tried to bend over to reach the reigns, but they were simply out reach of his short, childlike arms.  As the horse started to move slowly to a new section of grass to eat, the reigns which should have been securely in my brother's hands, became caught under one of the horses hooves.  Without any warning, the horse reared up onto it's back legs, gave a loud whinny, and set off fast as lightening with my brother holding on for dear life.  Tom was crying out for help while trying to hold onto the mane of the horse to keep from falling off.

It only took the horse keeper a few seconds to recognize the commotion that was taking place behind him.  He darted over, jumped off of his horse, and lunged at the flinging reigns.  Immediately, after the reigns were securely in the keeper's hand, the horse quieted and seemed unafraid.  He simply thrust his head back down to resume his eating as if nothing had ever happened. 

The horse keeper looked at Tom, still sitting on top of  his horse, obviously shaken by the events that had just occurred, and sternly said to him, "I thought I told you that whatever you do, don't let go of the reigns."

But in the words that followed, the sternness was replaced by a fatherly gentleness, "You could have been killed.  I am so glad you are alright."

As I think back upon that day, watching my brother struggling to grab hold of the reigns of that wild horse, I am freshly reminded of God's care for us as His children and our daily need for Him.  

It was horrifying as a child to watch my brother clinging to that wild horse, starring at the reigns dangling on the ground beneath the horses hooves.  I wish he would have listened, would have clung tightly to them.  The horse keeper's words brought protection, wisdom, "Whatever you do, don't let go of the reigns!" 

I am encouraged...

                           I am stirred...

                                               I am committed...

"Whatever I do, I will not let go of the reigns."

The Love Killer

 Today, I am being prompted to grow in my marriage through

FIGHTING THE SELFISHNESS IN MY HEART BY FINDING CONTENTMENT IN CHRIST ALONE

It was one year ago when it happened.  I had been anticipating it's arrival for weeks, maybe even months.  Finally, when it arrived I couldn't wait to see what was in store for me...it was our anniversary after-all, and David had known for several weeks about the weekend date I had arranged.  I was certain that he would sweep me off of my feet once again and "romance" me like he used to in our earlier years.  

I dropped the children off at a friends house, drove back home, and then patiently (not-so patiently is more accurate) waited for David to come home from work.  All the while, dreaming about what my wonderful husband must have planned to make our weekend together really special and memorable.  Like a small child, anxiously awaiting the arrival of Christmas, I waited, looked at my watch, waited some more, looked out the window, and waited some more.  Finally, I could see David's car heading towards our driveway.  I jumped up from my seat and eagerly ran out to greet him.  

After giving David a little time to unwind after working all day, I asked, "So, what are we going to do tonight?"  The response came as quite a shock to me, "I don't know, what do you want to do?"

I didn't even know what to say.  I was so sure that David had planned a great weekend date for the two of us!  So I inquired a little more, "Are we going out to eat somewhere?"  Again, the response came as quite a shock, "I don't know, I haven't really thought about it."  

Immediately, I could feel the anger bubbling up inside of me...like a carbonated beverage that's been shaken up, just waiting for the lid to be loosened so that it can explode.  That pretty well sums up how I felt right at that moment.  I just couldn't believe that David hadn't planned anything for our anniversary, and I was going to make my feelings very clear.  The cold shoulder always works well for that. 

Would you believe that I was so angry that I barely said a handful of words to my husband most of the weekend.  He of course felt the tension between us, so he just kind of kept his distance from me, which only intensified the anger that I felt.  "He should be pursuing me and making me feel loved and appreciated!  I mean, I went to all of the hard work of scheduling the date, the least he could do is plan something nice for us to do together!" 

Thankfully, right before we went to pick up our children, we had a discussion, mutually pouring out our thoughts and disappointments with one another...and eventually confessing our sins, seeking forgiveness, and most of all, regretting our stupidity in wasting an entire weekend being rude and angry towards one another.  

I take full responsibility for our wonderfully anticipated weekend date ending up as a miserable and lonely  "no-show" instead.  I had been extremely SELFISH!  I had placed several expectations upon David that were just outright unfair.  

In the moment, I felt that David had a responsibility to sweep me off of my feet...meanwhile my sin of selfishness was being deliberately swept under the rug by my pride.

To be really honest, I had lost sight of the fact that my contentment must come from Christ alone, and not from the actions of my husband. 

Looking back, I am amazed that I didn't even bother to consider the fact that I could have planned a wonderfully romantic weekend date for David.  Hmmm, I wonder why that never crossed my mind?  I will give you a clue.  It begins with MY SELF.  Yep, I was being selfish.  I wanted, what I wanted, when I wanted it because I had failed to remember that only God can complete me!  

My guess, is that you can relate in some way to this story; after all, we are more alike than different when it comes to our sins and struggles in life.  Maybe you just feel unappreciated and unloved by your husband and it is beginning to wear you down emotionally.  You may wonder why your response really matters anyway.  Well, I would appeal to you that your response does matter.  The Bible has much to say on the topic of selfishness.  Read the following verses, if you will.   

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." 1 Corinthians 13:4-6

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3

 "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil." James 3-13-15

"For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." James 3:16-17

Wow!  I am so humbled.  

I remember hearing at a marriage conference several years ago that "selfishness kills love".  Oh, how true and wise those words are, causing my heart to sting with regret and pain at my own selfishness within me.  Sadly, I am certain that it is not the last time that my selfishness will rear it's ugly head in my marriage to David, because I am a sinner...and as long as I am on this earth, I always will be.  

But, I know that God's desire would be for me to seek to find my contentment in Christ alone, through learning to love HIM more.  Only Jesus has the power to change my selfish heart and give me true contentment within my life and marriage.

I would like to end with two quotes that really spoke to me this morning.  I hope they will speak to you as well. 

"When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now."  C.S. Lewis

"You say, "If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied." You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled."  Charles Spurgeon

Cultivating Tender Thoughts

Today, as I was folding my husband's clothing, I started thinking about how amazing it is that God has allowed David and I to share our lives together.  In our 15 years of marriage, we have experienced great joys and bitter sorrows, pleasant memories and difficult trials, the birth of children and the loss of jobs.  And, I wouldn't change a thing!

I am equally amazed that God chose a man like David, who is so patient and kind despite my crazy antics, strong opinions, and burning passions, which would drive most people crazy. He is unbelievably patient and kind even when I have refused to allow him to use the toilet, simply because I had just finished cleaning it and I didn't want it to get dirty again.  Or, when out of the blue I have decided to boycott a company like Kelloggs because they are using genetically modified ingredients in the food they produce.  My wonderful husband simply smiled and ate the organic, less-tasty cereal I purchased instead.  I could learn a lot from David's example.

Recently, I  read a book entitled, "When Sinners Say I Do", by Dave Harvey.  I would highly recommend it to married couples, couples who are engaged, and even to those who are single, but hope to marry in the future.  It really drives home the fact that a marriage consists of two sinners, both in need of a Savior and that our husbands are hand-picked to bring out our sinful attitudes, behaviors, and thoughts as a way of sanctifying us...conforming us more and more to the image of Christ. This is certainly true in my marriage.  God has used my marriage to David to make me more painfully aware of my sins,and more humbly aware of my Savior. 

I found a wonderful quote by Elisabeth Elliot which stirs me as a wife to grow in grace towards my husband, and I hope it will stir you as well:

"The consciousness that we are alike in our need of redemption is a liberating one.  For there will be times when you find yourself accusing, criticizing, resenting...But you will find yourself disarmed utterly, and your accusing spirit transformed into loving forgiveness the moment you remember that you did, in fact marry only a sinner, and so did he.  It's grace you both need...you love, accept, and forgive that sinner as you yourself expect to be loved, accepted, and forgiven.  You know that 'all have sinned and come short of the glory of God,' and this includes your husband who comes short, also, of some of the glories you expected to find in him.  Come to terms with this once and for all and then walk beside him as 'heirs together of the grace of life.'"

As I thought about my marriage today, I realized that there are many areas in which God would desire for me to grow as a wife, as a way of bringing honor to David and glory to God.  So, over the next several days, I would like to share a few of them with you.

My prayer is that each of you would meditate on these truths as well, and by doing so, that your faith would be strengthened, that your love towards your husband would be rekindled, and that ultimately your marriage would be a beautiful reflection of "God's amazing grace".

And, as always, I would love to hear about the changes that God is bringing about within your marriage or within your heart as a woman as you read, reflect, and apply His word. 

Today, I am being prompted by the Lord to grow in my marriage through,

CULTIVATING TENDER THOUGHTS TOWARDS MY HUSBAND.

 How?   
1.  By "taking captive" any critical thoughts I have towards my husband, and replacing them with true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable thoughts towards him.  

One of the best ways I can think of to put this truth into action is by praying for David throughout the day.  Thanking God for the hard-working, loving husband He has given me and by choosing to let go of the unrealistic exceptions that I unfairly place on him.  Ahh, I am ashamed to admit that often times, I have placed selfish expectations upon David, simply because I am overly absorbed with my own desires, wants, and needs;  stirring up selfishness and pride, and a whole host of other nasty things which I am not proud of.  But as I try and look towards the needs of David first, willingly letting go of the unfair expectations I have placed upon him, and as I seek to grow in serving him instead of expecting to be served, my thoughts also become more tender towards David and more pleasing to the Lord. 

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."  Philippians 4:8

2.  By remembering all of the things that attracted me to David when we were first married.

As a wife and mom, there are so many thoughts that consume my days... Where did the kids hide the bread  I was planning to use for breakfast?  Did the dog eat my "to do" list again this week?  Does trying to walk through the house with a screaming child hanging from my leg count as exercise?  And these thoughts all occur within the first 10 minutes of jumping  (or should I say crawling) out of bed. 

I find that at times I am so consumed by the other thoughts spinning around in my head, that I rarely take time to think of David throughout the day.  The following quote from Shirley Rice is a wonderful reminder of the necessity of taking time to intentionally cultivate tender thoughts towards my husband.  

"By the grace of God, I want you to start changing your thought pattern.  Tomorrow morning, get your eyes off the toaster or the baby bottles long enough to look at him.  Don't you see the way his coat fits his shoulders?  Look at his hands.  Do you remember when just to Look at his strong hands made your heart life.  Well, LOOK at him and remember.  Then, loose your tongue and tell him you love him."

I am so encouraged!  Today, I am going to spend time praying for David, asking God to help me find ways of serving him, and intentionally taking the time to remember all of the things that I love so dearly about the amazing man God gave me.

I hope that you are encouraged as well,  to cultivate loving tender thoughts towards your husband, ask God to rid your mind of any critical thoughts you may have against him, and pray that God would enable you to sincerely give thanks for the wonderful and precious gift HE has given you.

Oh, and don't forget to greet your hubby when he walks through the door by wrapping your arms lovingly around him, kissing him on the lips (even if the children are around), and telling him how much you love and appreciate him.

The Mountainside Experience

The coolness of the evening breeze could be felt as Isaac and I walked, both of us enjoying our special time together.  Looking out over the sea of people and campsites surrounding us, I listened as Isaac talked about the great time he was having at the Creation Festival.  It was our last night before returning home, so I was hoping to make it a really special evening for my son.  Little did I know that God had a wonderful teaching moment in store for the two of us.   

High upon the mountainside was an overlook, revealing the the beautiful valley below.  I knew Isaac would love it, so I grabbed his tiny hand and slowly led the way to the base of the trail, walking along side of him.  We hadn't walked very far when it occurred to me that it was begging to get dark and we had no flashlight.  So, I picked up the pace in hopes of making it to the top and back down before the trail was lost in the darkness.  But Isaac's little 4 year old legs just could not keep up with the quick pace I had set.  Frequently, we had to stop to give his legs time to rest and recuperate before attempting to climb higher up the trail.   

About half-way up the mountainside, the path was no longer visible to our eyes.  Darkness had set in, leaving only an occasional flickering of lights from the movement of other people's flashlights way up in the distance.  Although I didn't want to show it, I was scared.  We could not see anything surrounding us at all!  It was pitch black.

I was so afraid that I would lead my child to the cliffs' edge without even realizing it, or that Isaac would stumble on the rocky path in front of him, leaving him injured.  "Ahhh!  What was I thinking by bringing my young son up a mountain without a flashlight to lead us?"

I stopped moving and stood almost paralyzed on the mountainside, silently praying for help.  I could sense that Isaac was becoming afraid as well.  I squeezed his hand a little tighter, pulled him a little closer toward my body, and assured him that everything was going to be alright.  I am not quite sure how long the two of us were standing upon that dark mountainside alone, but it seemed like forever.  

Then out of the blue, two girls walked up behind us and noticed us standing there.  Without asking any questions, one of them walked over next to me and handed me her flashlight.  In that instant, a peace swept over me. Shining the light in front of us, I was overwhelmed with thankfulness for God's protection over us.

The path could clearly be seen now, exposing the unsteady ground, the cliffs, and the other dangers that seemed to lurk in the darkness.  I once again grabbed Isaac's hand and we slowly, but confidently made our way to the overlook at the top of the mountainside.  We stood for several moments on the platform admiring the beauty of the scene playing out below us as several hundreds of thousands of candles were being lit, followed by a chorus of voices, singing their praises to God.  It was a sight to behold.

On the walk back down the steep incline, with flashlight in hand, we had a wonderful conversation about how our experience of trying to walk up the steep incline of the mountainside without a flashlight, is very much like trying to live our lives in spiritual darkness without Christ.  It was very frightening not to have any light marking the path as we walked up the steep rocky path.  In the same way, without Jesus we are simply wandering around in the darkness, uncertain of what is ahead in our lives.

"I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness."  John 12:46

"The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous run to it, and are safe." Proverbs 18:10

We then thought about all of the obstacles that we had to overcome to make it to the top of the mountain, such as the rocks and unlevel ground and the cliffs sitting upon the trails shoulder.  The flashlight clearly lit up the path in front of us; therefore, we didn't need to fear the things meant to cause us to stumble, for they were exposed by the light and could be avoided.

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me."  Psalm 138:7

 And, we talked about how the flashlight is like the Bible, providing us with direction and wisdom.  Without the flashlight, we could have easily made a life-threatening step.  So it is without the Bible.

 "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105

 Although I wouldn't wish to repeat our journey up the steep mountain without a light directing us, I am thankful that God choose to use my foolishness in forgetting my flashlight to once again lovingly remind me and my precious son of our need for Him, in every circumstance, every day, at every moment in of our lives.

Cream-e-sew-er-y...Go Ahead and Laugh, It's Good For You

As I was driving to my mom's house for a visit, I could hear the girls carrying on a lively conversation in the backseat of the van.  

Have you ever has the opportunity to listen to 7 and 8 year old giggly girls carrying on a conversation?  It is very entertaining!

They fluttered from one topic to the next every few minutes; one minute talking about serious matters the next just being silly.  But no matter which topic they were discussing, it was obvious that they were genuinely enjoying each others company, which blessed me. 

We had made it to about the half-way point on our trip, when we passed a cemetery.

Ellie immediately noticed it and shouted out to Amaris, "AMARIS LOOK!  IT'S A SEWER!" 

Then, very calmly and confidently Amaris offered her correction, "That is not a sewer, Ellie.  A sewer is for pee and poo, but that place is for dead people.  It is a creamery."

I could hardy contain myself.  It was so funny, I almost peed my pants.  

Well, if I have a choice of being buried at the sewer or at the creamery, I think I will choose the second option...I know my spirit will be in heaven so it shouldn't really matter, but I am only thinking of all of you.  I mean, it would sure stink for you to have to visit me at the sewer.  

Have a wonderful Sunday and remember to laugh a little today!

"A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."  Proverbs 17:22

Thank You Lord

Crusty layers of spaghetti sauce cover Avidan's body, 

with a sigh and a wet washcloth in hand, 

I gently scrub my little boy hoping that eventually, he won't be tinted red.  

I AM TIRED

The dishes in the sink are overflowing, remnants of the morning's breakfast offering a discouraging reminder that I had forgotten to run the dishwasher, 

and now have double the work to do after the children are in bed.  

I HAVE A HEADACHE

Clothing sits piled high upon my couch, 

waiting to be sorted, folded, and packed for camp.  

I haven't even completed half of the packing list yet.   

I WISH I WERE GOING ON VACATION TOO

On the table is my checkbook.  

The one I haven't balanced in several months. 

I FEEL LIKE WATCHING TV

Weeds have taken over my garden and are beginning to suffocate my plants.  

The beauty of our landscaping is quickly becoming an eyesore. 

I WOULD LOVE A MASSAGE

My Bible, sits undisturbed on the coffee table.  

 My mind fights the desire to pick it up.  

"I have too much to do already, I can't take time to read right now."

I break down, tears flowing from my eyes.

Weeping, I cry out...

"I can't do it all, I am exhausted."

A still small voice responds...

"You are right, Satin.  

You can't do it all.  

You need a Savior.

My grace is sufficient for you, 

for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I pause for a moment in silence, reflecting.

I slowly walk over, pick up my Bible and open it.

Under my breath I whisper...

HELP ME, LORD.

As I read the words on the page in front of me, 

I break down again.

This time with laughter,

rejoicing in God's gentle reminder to me, 

a sinner with a wonderful Savior.

"...I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, 

so that Christ's power may rest on me.

... I delight in weaknesses, 

in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. 

For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Humbly, I bow my head and close my eyes,

uttering the only words that seem appropriate...

"Thank you, Lord."

 

Postpartum Depression: My Journey

Shortly after the birth of Eliana, sadness monopolized my days and guilt pressed down heavily upon me even as I slept.  Fear sat at my doorstep waiting for an opportunity to attack my weakening frame;  my mind eventually surrendering out of sheer exhaustion.  Daily, I grew more and more fragile and afraid.  My battle to survive was being fought in silence and shame.  Postpartum depression had arrived uninvited, stripping me of months of joy.  Months that, even today seem dark and painful to recall.

  

Do not fear,

 

As Eliana lay peacefully in my arms, my mind was tormented by thoughts, awful thoughts and accompanying pictures that I couldn't shake away.  I, was having thoughts of cutting myself, slitting my wrists, with no one there to rescue me. 

for I am with you;  

In desperation, I remember turning on the TV, trying to replace the agonizing pictures so vividly playing out in my mind.  But every image on the screen only served as a reminder of the razor sitting in the shower, waiting for me and quietly whispering my name.  At times, I would catch myself holding the razor in my hand, paralyzed for a few moments until I could force my fingers to release their grip.  

Do not anxiously look about you,

 

Even when I would tightly close my eyes and cover my tear-drenched face with my hands, the thoughts remained.  When my children would jump into my lap, throwing their loving arms around my neck, the thoughts continued to pull me far from their embrace. The thoughts which I battled daily left me feeling hopeless, the anxiety left me struggling to breathe.  Being alone with my children caused unbridled fear, "What if I harm them?"

For I am your God.

 At night, I would silently cry myself to sleep, often times too weak to even utter a prayer for help. One night, I remember trying to write down several Bible verses, so desirous of encouragement and hope.  My mind and body were so weakened by the thoughts tormenting me day and night, all I could do was crumple up the paper filled with life-giving words and hold it tightly in my hands throughout the night. Many a night I held that crumpled piece of paper...occasionally crying out, "Help me, please help me, Lord!" 

I will strengthen you,

Finally, my "secret" was too much to bear alone.  So reluctantly, I told David and a few of my closest friends, but still the battle within my mind continued to rage on...until I could admit that I needed help to get well. 

surely I will help you,

Walking into the emergency room was the scariest thing I have ever done.  With irrational thoughts spinning round my head, palms sweating, heart pounding, my body shaking under the stress and fear of the unknown...yet, God was with me!  His presence was so clearly felt next to me as I sat in that cold, sterile bed in the ER.  He gave me hope...He reminded me that everything was going to be alright.

 

surely I will uphold you 

The truth is, God was with me all along.  In the midst of every sleepless night, HE WAS THERE. While battling every thought of hurting myself, HE WAS THERE.  In the midst of every anxiety attack, HE WAS THERE, upholding me with His righteous right hand. 

with My righteous right hand.

And, God is with you too, no matter what you are battling.  He may not immediately remove the trial you are facing, but He is faithful to remain an "ever present help in trouble."  Whether it be postpartum depression like me, or the loss of a loved one, or the uncertainty of your future, you are not alone; HE IS THERE!  Trust Him to help you, to strengthen you, to place within you a living hope anchoring you to Jesus Christ.   

Isaiah 41:10

HE IS THERE, right there next to you.  So close that maybe you can feel the warmth of his breath on your shoulder.  HE IS THERE, ready to uphold you with His righteous right hand. 

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you;
he will never permit the righteous to be moved."  Psalm 55:12