The Love Killer

 Today, I am being prompted to grow in my marriage through

FIGHTING THE SELFISHNESS IN MY HEART BY FINDING CONTENTMENT IN CHRIST ALONE

It was one year ago when it happened.  I had been anticipating it's arrival for weeks, maybe even months.  Finally, when it arrived I couldn't wait to see what was in store for me...it was our anniversary after-all, and David had known for several weeks about the weekend date I had arranged.  I was certain that he would sweep me off of my feet once again and "romance" me like he used to in our earlier years.  

I dropped the children off at a friends house, drove back home, and then patiently (not-so patiently is more accurate) waited for David to come home from work.  All the while, dreaming about what my wonderful husband must have planned to make our weekend together really special and memorable.  Like a small child, anxiously awaiting the arrival of Christmas, I waited, looked at my watch, waited some more, looked out the window, and waited some more.  Finally, I could see David's car heading towards our driveway.  I jumped up from my seat and eagerly ran out to greet him.  

After giving David a little time to unwind after working all day, I asked, "So, what are we going to do tonight?"  The response came as quite a shock to me, "I don't know, what do you want to do?"

I didn't even know what to say.  I was so sure that David had planned a great weekend date for the two of us!  So I inquired a little more, "Are we going out to eat somewhere?"  Again, the response came as quite a shock, "I don't know, I haven't really thought about it."  

Immediately, I could feel the anger bubbling up inside of me...like a carbonated beverage that's been shaken up, just waiting for the lid to be loosened so that it can explode.  That pretty well sums up how I felt right at that moment.  I just couldn't believe that David hadn't planned anything for our anniversary, and I was going to make my feelings very clear.  The cold shoulder always works well for that. 

Would you believe that I was so angry that I barely said a handful of words to my husband most of the weekend.  He of course felt the tension between us, so he just kind of kept his distance from me, which only intensified the anger that I felt.  "He should be pursuing me and making me feel loved and appreciated!  I mean, I went to all of the hard work of scheduling the date, the least he could do is plan something nice for us to do together!" 

Thankfully, right before we went to pick up our children, we had a discussion, mutually pouring out our thoughts and disappointments with one another...and eventually confessing our sins, seeking forgiveness, and most of all, regretting our stupidity in wasting an entire weekend being rude and angry towards one another.  

I take full responsibility for our wonderfully anticipated weekend date ending up as a miserable and lonely  "no-show" instead.  I had been extremely SELFISH!  I had placed several expectations upon David that were just outright unfair.  

In the moment, I felt that David had a responsibility to sweep me off of my feet...meanwhile my sin of selfishness was being deliberately swept under the rug by my pride.

To be really honest, I had lost sight of the fact that my contentment must come from Christ alone, and not from the actions of my husband. 

Looking back, I am amazed that I didn't even bother to consider the fact that I could have planned a wonderfully romantic weekend date for David.  Hmmm, I wonder why that never crossed my mind?  I will give you a clue.  It begins with MY SELF.  Yep, I was being selfish.  I wanted, what I wanted, when I wanted it because I had failed to remember that only God can complete me!  

My guess, is that you can relate in some way to this story; after all, we are more alike than different when it comes to our sins and struggles in life.  Maybe you just feel unappreciated and unloved by your husband and it is beginning to wear you down emotionally.  You may wonder why your response really matters anyway.  Well, I would appeal to you that your response does matter.  The Bible has much to say on the topic of selfishness.  Read the following verses, if you will.   

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." 1 Corinthians 13:4-6

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3

 "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil." James 3-13-15

"For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." James 3:16-17

Wow!  I am so humbled.  

I remember hearing at a marriage conference several years ago that "selfishness kills love".  Oh, how true and wise those words are, causing my heart to sting with regret and pain at my own selfishness within me.  Sadly, I am certain that it is not the last time that my selfishness will rear it's ugly head in my marriage to David, because I am a sinner...and as long as I am on this earth, I always will be.  

But, I know that God's desire would be for me to seek to find my contentment in Christ alone, through learning to love HIM more.  Only Jesus has the power to change my selfish heart and give me true contentment within my life and marriage.

I would like to end with two quotes that really spoke to me this morning.  I hope they will speak to you as well. 

"When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now."  C.S. Lewis

"You say, "If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied." You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled."  Charles Spurgeon